In loving memory of Gabriel Joachin Menge,
who died in December 2007 around 15 weeks gestation
The Lord is close to the
brokenhearted and saves
those who are crushed in Spirit. ~ Psalm 34:18
January 2008
This page is to honor the life and death of little baby Gabriel, that we lost. The last pictures on the page are of our baby. Please don't scroll beyond the ultrasound picture if you don't want to see our sweet baby. Don't feel bad if you don't want to see his pictures.
On September 21, 2007 I found out through a home test that we were expecting again. We had been trying for 1 1/2 years and suffered a miscarriage the previous December, so this was wonderful news. I told Chris with a card the next day, after he got back from a trip to California and participated in a bike race. We had a good ultrasound (heartbeat found) at 7 1/2 weeks pregnant, and then started to spread the news. Our baby was due late May.
We found out on 12/19/07, through an ultrasound, that he had died. He had been gone for a couple weeks already. I should have been 17 weeks pregnant, so this was a huge shock. This isn't supposed to happen in the second trimester!
On Saturday morning, 12/22/07, I passed our baby at home. Our baby was a tiny little boy. He had all his fingers and toes. He needed longer to grow, but he was perfect. There is no obvious reason why he died. The physical pain was actually less than that of my last miscarriage (which was only 5 wks). Having him at home was hard, but I'm thankful we actually got to see him and get a bit more closure than I would have felt if I had had the D&C.
The next night we buried him in a friend's yard in a peaceful
wooded spot. We put him in a tiny wooden box with a tiny fleece blanket.
We did pick a name before we buried him:
Gabriel (God is my strength) Joachin (raised by the LORD)
The meaning really helps my heart right now.
Then we flew to CA to visit Chris' family. We stayed until New Years Day
morning. Getting away from my real life for a little bit did help me rest
and recover, physically and otherwise.
There have been many tears and sad times these past couple weeks. The Christmas eve service (all about a baby) was hard, and other things will hit me all of a sudden, but I'm really doing pretty well. God is our strength and He is raising our precious baby boy better than we ever could. I'm not sure why God decided to proceed this way, but I am glad that I know I will see him again some day.
Isaiah of course doesn't fully understand what is going on, but he knows that mommy has been sad and that our baby is gone. He gets worried when I go to the doctor now, because he knows it upset me so much on the 19th ("all better momma?"). He is really just a sweet, normal, crazy two year old.
Chris is sad too, but doing OK. He's been very sweet and supportive, and done all he can to help me. I do love my husband so much.
This whole experience is teaching me more about myself. I don't want to spend all my time talking about losing our baby, but when people pretend it didn't happen that really bothers me too. I guess I don't know what I want, I've never done this before. But I did want to share Gabriel's story and our experience, I hope it may help someone else to heal as well.
I am supposed to see a specialist now to see if they can figure out why this keeps happening to us. I'm not sure we'll get answers, first and second trimester miscarriages are caused by different things, but we'll see what happens.
Thanks again for all your prayers, please keep them coming. I have done better than I expected I would through this, and I know all the prayers have been crucial and working.
~ ~ Celebrating Gabriel's short life, looking forward to a baby ~ ~
Jesus said, "Let the little children
come to me, and do not hinder them,
for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as
these." ~ Matthew 19:14
My first positive HOME pregnancy test (the doctor always knew before I did for my other pregnancies).
telling daddy:
Chris always "knows" I'm pregnant before I do, so the news isn't a surprise to him!
Still growing strong at 7 1/2 weeks.
A sleepy Isaiah helps spread our news.
~ ~ Mourning Gabriel's death (stop here if you don't want to see Gabriel's pictures) ~ ~
For You created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you for I am fearfully
and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful,
I know that well. My frame
was not hidden from You when I was made in the secret place.
When I was
woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.
~ Psalm 139:13-16a
Our tiny baby.
His precious face.
You can tell he's a baby boy.
Laid to rest to be with the Lord.
October 2008 update
The tests the doctor did never did explain why I have lost my babies. We were blessed to get pregnant again very quickly though. I am 36 weeks pregnant and we are looking forward to meet our newest family member (due on Thanksgiving 2008). Since I have had miscarriages during the last two Decembers, I am glad this baby may arrive before then. I have been much more worried this time than I was during Isaiah's and Gabriel's pregnancies. I was so thankful to reach 18 weeks and start to feel the baby move more regularly. I still wonder what our lives would have been like if Gabriel had been a part of it, but I know that would have meant we would never meet the new baby in my womb now, and that God has a plan.
Thank you again for your prayers and love. We're sorry for all of us that we didn't get to know Gabriel here on earth, but thankfully we have the promise of an eternity in heaven with him, and so many other loved ones we've lost, if you've accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior.
For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son,
so that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. ~ John
3:16
| free web counter |